Bloody Books Review: The Konrad Saga

It is entirely possible for something to both be a bad product, and to be held in high esteem. Its why the Harry Potter franchise exists in it’s entirety as it does. If someone comes to some form of media at just the right age, at just the right time, it can leave deep imprints in your memory, causing a fondness that it truly not deserve. Its a strange thing, but it happens throughout all childhoods, and at some point in our lives, we are forced to come to the understanding that this thing we loved when either a enthusiastic child or during the more introspective teenage years simply is…..bad.

Welcome to the tale of Konrad.

Before we get into the thoughts and musings of this particular experience, let us first peer back to the early days of Warhammer. During the halcyon final years of the 1980s, David Pringle, co-editor of GW Books and editor of highly-regarded magazine Interzone, used his various contacts to draw upon a pool of authors and creators that would be classed as being “above” such content. Remember, this predates even the Boxtree Books connection, and as such is something of a surprising move and one that the Dungeons & Dragons editors had not been able to manoeuvrer around to. One such author was David S. Garnett, who had revived the classic New Wave SF magazine New Worlds as an anthology series and was not exactly well known for his writing work. It’s interesting that Garnett (writing here as David Ferring) follows the trend of these early Warhammer writers in using a pseudonym*

Konrad, Shadowbreed and Warblade sit in good company, being part of the first run of true Warhammer Novels, alongside Drachenfels, The Orfeo Trilogy, Ignorant Armies (Felix and Gotrek’s first appearance) and Beasts in Velvet. ***

It does not hold up to those other entries in any form.

Konrad, the first book in the cycle, is first and foremost a prelude pushed to novel length, Its here, at the very beginning that we see the idea of where and what the author intends, a seven book cycle that expands out on the mysteries and various adventures that Konrad will take on his way to become Warhammer’s wandering hero, a more civilised Conan or a less haughty Solomon Kane.

Or you know. Elric.

Which makes the starting point of the series even more inducing of rage, as we are introduced to Konrad as an orphaned boy (given no name by his adopted guardians), living basically as an animal in the village with all believing him him to be mute and not worthy of any form of kindness. Whilst he goes about his day to day existence, he saves Elyssa, the daughter of a local lord, from rampaging beastmen. This act earns Elyssa’s friendship, and she names Konrad, both believing that this now makes him a true person. She does this because she had an imaginary friend of the same name, and that's not creepy at all. As their friendship flourishes, they begin to show elements of magical ability. Elyssa knows some small measure of sorcery and Konrad can see a few seconds into the future with his left eye. Their friendship, one that is strangely tender considering the style of writing at the time, blossoms towards a doomed romance, as Elyssa becomes betrothed to the Duke of a town a few days away, but is the highlight of the first book. The relationship between the two gives Konrad the personality and character that years of neglect had stolen from him, humanising him, giving him self-worth and proving that he is above the beasts he is forced to share sleeping quarters with. These months feel like the start of something truly impressive, as we see the different parts of Konrad gel together, as he learns at a voracious rate, seemingly making up for all the lost time where he was no more than a beast. Then, almost at the halfway point of this 200 page first tale, it all goes wrong, as it must. Konrad begins to have flashed of Elyssa betraying him, but also of her inevitable and terrible death. Elyssa and Konrad have a truly unsettling experience with a silent Bronze Knight, just before those stalwarts of 80s Warhammer, the Beastmen, attack and destroy the town and castle utterly. With less than 100 ages to go, Konrad escapes, has some misadventures, meets a mercenary called Wolf who makes Konrad his squire, explore the history of the Empire, spend five years training Konrad, go to Kislev, guard a mine for a year or two, have a dungeon adventure and then end with a sighting of the Bronze Knight and head off into battle with a herd of Beastmen. Oh, and an incredible unsubtle hint at Konrad’s origins. The breakneck speed of the second half of Konrad**** is utterly at odds with the first, making fives years seem a whiplash compared to the build of joy and horror from earlier.

Shadowbreed, the second part of the tale, starts by reprinting the last few chapters of Konrad in order to bring you back up to speed. This was baffling in the original prints and is downright infuriating in the omnibus. Konrad himself takes on what feels now more like a series of interconnected short stories involving wizards (I adore Litzenreich and he is the very best part of these books.), Skaven. cults, some sex cults, some blood cults and some cultish behaviour. The overarching plot continues to grow in the background, as Konrad meets Elyssa’s brother, and begins to uncover a truly staggering plot against the Empire. For all that, Konrad falls from story to story without any agency of his own, he is coerced, forced, controlled, pushed and in once case, possessed into each new page with no decisions being made by him to carry on. He is captured, slaved, tortured, examined and paid, but never does he decide. It’s strange that now, looking back on these tales, none of that seems to have stayed with me, but the feel of it does. The grime of it, the blood and mud that can never truly be cleaned away. All that re-awakened in me as I trudged through the middle book.

And trudge is the right word. For all I can say I love about it is what comes from me, from those days in the early 90s when I was discovering Warhammer proper. It hurts me to write this, but Shadowbreed is one of the worst warhammer books I’ve ever read. It does however have its high points. Litzenreich and his dwarf henchmen is a joy to behold, and it feels like Ferring would much rather be writing a series about him*****, or the sequence where Konrad allows a deamoness to regain some lost humanity before her death******, there is great stuff in here. But it’s mired down by Konrad’s constant need to be under someone else’s authority. Also, he suddenly loses the ability to see the future for no other reason than because. Shadowbreed is silly, crude and very violent, but interestingly, there’s no swearing. At all. For a novel that has as much sex and gore in it as Shadowbreed does, the lack of swears and curses feels very strange. Which leads us to the final part of the cycle.

Warblade, which was meant to be book 3 in a 7-book series has to wrap up far too much, in too little time as Ferring must have been told, halfway through the creation of the tale, that there would be no more. It meanders in much the same way as Shadowbreed did for the first quarter, and then decides to open the throttle and go full-tilt into absolute madness. And by god, i know its bad but I adore how far it goes. The Warblade that the book is named for is a sword made for Konrad by a Dwarf that is from the same area that Malakai from Deamonslayer hails from. Which is to say, Scotland. Which is to say, Scotland where warpstone is in everything and “children play in warpmud”.

This is very weird.

It should be called Webblade considering how many times Konrad muses about being caught in a web of fate.

In quick succession, we re-meet Wolf, get Litzenreich and one of the dwarves back (YEAH WE DO!) discover Wolf and the Wizard know and hate each other, discover Wolf’s brother was the Bronze Knight, joins a Slanneshi cult that is populated by very fat men in a scene that’s beyond uncomfortable, destroy said cult with the help of slave he met in that last book who goes all Super-Khorne meet a retired Deamon who lives on an island in an alternate dimension, find out Konrad is Sigmar / possessed by Sigmar / one of Sigmar’s heirs (still not 100% on that one), finally get back to uncovering the plot against the Empire (which is the same as the one used in Basil, the Great Mouse Detective…considering the Skaven are behind this, i can’t help but feel this is a joke) Elyssa survived the massacre but also possible didn’t. Join some pirates and start a full-scale invasion of Marienburg, and launch an attack on the Imperial Palace.

Oh yes. and Skullface,

I’ve not mentioned Skullface before, because in all honesty, I have no idea what to make of him. I cannot fathom what he is. Apparently, he may be Elyssa’s father, he turns up here and there and does…nothing. He is less than a ghost, less than a plot device. He is just..there. Which makes the ending of this trilogy very, very funny.

However, there are some truly great parts of this, Gaxar, the Grey Seer, shows the menace of the Skaven brilliantly, being far more unsettling than the Skaven of later years, as does his bodyguard Silvereye. The attack on the Imperial Palace is wonderfully unnatural as the Imperial Guard appears frozen in place and turning into Beastmen. Konrad himself continues however to be something of a puppet, never truly showing any form of agency yet again, but his fellowship of Wolf and Litzenreich are wonderful to behold. Even Guido, the pirate chief who explodes into rat-chunks gets more character than the named lead.

So. The ending. Once the dust settles, and the fight is over, Konrad walks the tunnels under the city alone. His eye once more telling him of the future. He meets Skullface, who becomes Elyssa. Konrad learns nothing from this, kills her and wanders off.

After three books, there is no payoff. At all. Whatsoever.

It baffles me that this was published in this form.

The series would have been better served being a 600-page one-part novel, cut down and sped up, with more answers sprinkled in throughout the unveiling of the tale. As it stands, it’s baffling, it’s dumb, it’s entirely built on scaffolding that's made of stupid. It goes nowhere other than to occasionally accidentality meander into some other, incredible books. Konrad however seems to be allergic to those moments and flees back into his own subpar setting. The series fills me with so many conflicting emotions as I cannot say it’s anything other than bad, but I love it. I love the feel, the language, the responses it invokes in me from 1991, as the Worlds of Warhammer began to stretch out in front of me. I adore the sensation in sequences like the Troglodytes, or the way the Deamons work. It’s true oldhammer here, let down by all the supporting structures of narration. I love it because I devoured these books as greedily as I poured over the clip art battle reports in White Dwarf, in the same way I would stare at the catalogue pages for single lead miniatures. Konrad is a building block for me and my time with the hobby, but I cannot recommend it to anyone unless it was cut down and reshaped into a different beast.

I both hate it and love it. I cannot recommend it, but I want you all to share it with me.

*See also Kim Newman/Jack Yeovil and Brian Stableford /Brian Craig.**

**You know Drachenfels and Orfeo are coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop me.

***Also the Dark Future series where Elvis Presley is alive in an alternative 90s and basically the Emperor from 40k

****The book, not the person. I don’t know how fast either half of the man goes.

*****As would I, especially as he’s name dropped on one of the short stories in Trollslayer

******in a ritual known as “supersweatysexytimes”